# For all PARENTS of teens (or just parents) - Must watch 8 min.YouTube video



## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

Dad shoots daughter's laptop after disrespectful Facebook post. FULL VIDEO - YouTube

I've just found my new "hero". 26 million hits in a week and a half.


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## Claudia (Apr 21, 2010)

My mom told me about it and was laughing lol


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## neven (May 15, 2010)

yep, you cant smack sense into them, so smack sense into their stuff. Its the only way they will learn respect if they are one of those trouble teens. Sure it may have tarnished his relationship with her, possibly for life, but even saying no to something small causes that effect now.

He warns her prior to stop that kind of behaviour, she doesn't listen especially with that horrible timing on her part, then she pays the price... Love it! Mind you im not a fan of guns, i would have just threw it to the concrete very hard


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## onefishtwofish (Apr 21, 2010)

i should have done that years ago. really.


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## gklaw (May 31, 2010)

Sorry Anthony. I won't exactly call that "hero". I found it very very very depressing that it has gotten to that point. A heart-to-heart talk with my daughter would not have been better ? This video may encourage parents to jump to that confrontation approach.

We really do not know what the teenage girl has gone through (mom, step mom, her own lap top ...). It breaks my heart to think where this girl's life may go. Would she ever make up with her dad and willingly behave herself after this - I have my doubt.

Raising a kid is a lot of responsibility, granted we cannot control the outcome.

My teenage daughter understand why she should not have her own lap top and no face book. I offered to buy her one a few days ago, she said no.

I bought her an iPod for her birthday because she told me she does not need one even when I offered to buy her one in Future Shop. Mabel told me she really wanted one.

I bought my 11 years old her ipod when she agrees that she does not need one and then turned around and willing to give up her mp3 player when I told her a little girl wanted one but her mom could not afford one.

We have been blessed with two good daughters who worth every one of my all nighters at work. It is nothing to brag about - we look for every opportunity to teach them about life and proper values. Our objective is that they can think for themselves when they become teenagers because we will not be around them all the time to set boundaries.


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## gklaw (May 31, 2010)

Psychologist Response to Dad Shoots Laptop - YouTube

Seriously for parents with young children. This is the point you don't want to be at, it is so not worth it. Teach them while they are teachable. Start early please. No guaranteed but at least we tried.


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## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

From what I can glean from the video, it sounds like he has tried very, very hard to be a good dad. I would never wish to have this happen to Felicia's and mine or Isabella's and my relationship, but if she just came off a 3 months grounding and was warned yet still does this. 

I am lucky and my parents were great parents. We always knew our parents loved us and would do anything for us, including giving up their comfortable lives in Malaysia to start all over in Canada just so we could be educated in English instead of in Malay. They made us do chores and such from a young age. However, they also disciplined me old-school. We went through a very rough patch when I was in my late teens where I thought they were horrible and I often "hated" them for their efforts to discipline me. It wasn't until I hit my early 20s that I realized that I was the problem. Their version of TOUGH LOVE was what I needed even though I didn't know it at the time. We have a great relationship and have for most of my life beyond that rebellious stage. I think that is what she is in right now (the man's daughter). He knows old-school discipline is out of the question and so he's using the same methods that she chose to vent as his way to teach her this lesson. 

Very creative and definitely should get her attention. Yes, she will hate him for a while, probably a long time. However, really, anything he did in response (other than ignoring her rant) would have triggered the same reaction towards him (as the disciplinarian). She posted her rant online so she invited a family issue into the public eye. 

I would not have considered this route, but I "applaud" his creativity. His daughter will no doubt get the message (whether she changes is out of his control). She obviously doesn't appreciate anything her parents do for her so now she has to actually make her own money if she wants to get a computer again. Nobody got hurt. He paid for the laptop so it's not like he shot up stuff she bought herself. This the 21st century version of TOUGH LOVE. It's obvious to me that he loves her and this is his way of trying to turn her onto the right path. 

We all hope and dream that our little angels will stay angels, but I know that despite our best efforts at raising our girls in the "right" way, things happen that we have no control over. It would break my heart if my girls turn out like this man's daughter, but I also realize most teens will go through a rebellious stage at some point. I have discussed this at length with my friend Dean whom Irene & I consider one of the best dad's out there (single father raising several kids on his own) and even he had two daughters rebel this year on him and move out (one to live with a friend's family and the other to move in with her terrible mother who never wanted to raise her own children). 

BTW, Irene agrees with you Gordon. 

As anybody who knows me, I love my kids more than life itself. I would literally die for them. It would almost kill me if one of them turns into a little terror like this man's daughter. I shower my kids with love and attention, even when if that means having to work until 4 in the morning so I can take care of Felicia during the day.

The other lesson learned is a reminder that posting stuff on Facebook that you don't want certain people to see (like your bosses, potential bosses, spouses, and parents) is NEVER a good idea.

As a former rebellious teen, I tried to see it from the daughter's point of view (as well as the father's). If this happened to me, I would be greatly embarrassed and hate him for a long time. However, once the anger dissipates, I would hopefully come to see that his actions were for my benefit (just as I came to realize what my parents tried to do when I was in my rebel stage was because they love me and wanted to turn me on the right path). He could have just disowned her or sent her packing or done so many other things that would make things a lot worst. I think turning her tactics (posting a private matter on Facebook) against her will teach her a variety of important life lessons. 

I used to volunteer at a Christian summer camp on the Island (Camp Imadene) and I always had them assign the worse trouble-makers to my cabin. I treated them well and fair, but I was also strict about what was acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. It worked and many of those "bad" kids really turned their lives around, and some even became Christians during those week long camps. It was great training and neat to practice on someone else's problem child before having my own kids. They explained how they craved attention and if they couldn't get positive attention, they would settle for negative attention. 

However, I don't think the daughter is lacking parental attention (her dad just spent 6 hours redoing her laptop to her specifications the day before). I think she really doesn't know how good she has it and now hopefully this wake up call will help.

Sorry for the essay.


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## BaoBeiZhu (Apr 24, 2010)

LOL, nice laught to start the morning.

but seriously.. I used to get a quarter for taking out the trash ..


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## JohnnyAppleSnail (May 30, 2010)

Because the Father used a Gun instead of say a Sledgehammer is why there is so much Hooplah,I say Good for the Father and there are many more People on the Side of the Father than the Psychologist Me Included.


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## April (Apr 21, 2010)

Red neck. I'd say there's more to the story. I agree with Gordon. Start at two telling them to use their own brain and don't copy etc and talk to them about things from the time they are young. I'd say he just commands and doesn't spend the time talking other than directions.
Happens in many families. He may provide..but wonder when he spends time doing things with his daughter and having meaningful conversations.

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I am here: http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=49.275149,-122.835504


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## beN (Apr 21, 2010)

this guy is a ******* joke..terrible parent. PERIOD. You Do Not Use a GUN! to get a kids attention. Promoting Violence isn't the key here.


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## effox (Apr 21, 2010)

There is no violence here, it's destruction of private property. I don't agree with his methods, but I'm more put off with the fact that when he was supposed to upgrade her computer, he instead made it his primary mission to snoop through her personal life.

Cheers,
Chris


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## beN (Apr 21, 2010)

how do u suggest there is no violence here? a gun kills, just because there is no blood, doesn't mean its not violent. this video portrays america's biggest problem, trigger happy hicks!. Its not right.


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## effox (Apr 21, 2010)

The only act of violence here that could be considered is the psychological effect it had on the daughter. Violence is causing bodily or emotional harm to one's self, or to others.


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## April (Apr 21, 2010)

There has to be trust and respect both ways. You don't give a kid trust you don't get a trustworthy kid. He's a control freak. The trust and discussions had to start long ago. I'm surre the first chances he gets she will leave home. Either run away..meet some guy and move in..or get pregnant. I always trusted my kids and they always were honest and never gave me reason to mistrust.
He could've just taken away computer privileges for a time..she will still be on Facebook..she can sign in on other friends computers, iPhones,library computer etc.

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I am here: http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=49.235650,-123.185075


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## onefishtwofish (Apr 21, 2010)

I could go on forever about the mistakes i made.................the need to talk things out, make them understand, don't dictate, don't invade their privacy. I hope no one makes the same mistakes i have. I am sharing this with this community because it can happen to your child so easily. i invite you to go to Nexopia and spent about 1/2 hour reading thru the teen forum, relationship forum and the sex forum. this is a random sampling of our canadian teens and yes. from the very areas we live in. I raised my child to be respectful to adults, kind to other kids, she never until she was 19 had alchohol. She had never smoked dope or done any drugs. She is still drug free. She considers tylonol drugs. She is beautiful and self assured. she is an excellent artist. She was not into partying. She loves animals. She lacked for nothing.She would no more steal that she would harm someone or their property. We had maybe............4 verbal fights. She didn't always get her way .I tried. i begged, i pleaded, i cajoled. She would not do her homework no matter what i did. i could take away her videos her computer her tv..her social life by grounding her, her spending money.....and i did. many times. I still had to leave her with a pencil or pen to do her homework...and she would just very contently draw. I bought her a horse and paid thousands of $ over the years hoping she would connect. she moved out the month she turned 19 and hates me. that was 18 months ago. i have heard from her maybe 5 times. when she needed money. Luckily I have a very close friend who took her in and so i am at least lucky in that i can get updates as to her health and welfare. There r 2 things my daughter resents the most about the way she was raised.........why didnt i rip that fu..ing internet out of the wall and why didn't I punish her. well i did do all those things that we as "good parents" are taught to do............ they turn a deaf ear to words. words are abstract to youth. I agree with anthony. I wish i had spanked her. It worked for me. We as parents are so worried about hurting the little darlings feelings and that they won't feel loved if we physically disipline our kids. think about how animals teach their children. A horse will turn around and bite thier foal if nudging and what limited verbal communciation they possess doent work. A lion or bear will cub their offspring with their paw and send them flying. Why do they do it? So their young will survive as adults.

As far as invading their privacy. My daughter's ex boyfriend a year ago posted to youtube as to how he would like to kill her. If i hadnt at the time she was 15 monitored nexopia and her msn...and he was the kid on nexopia all the teens hated and mocked,.... I would have taken this boy to be a good kid..a bit troubled by drugs. His parents were the kindest. he was adopted. his parents were both successful, self employed, straight as arrows. They vacationed as a family 3 times a year. They stood by him. They got him years of councelling.They did not socialize outside the home.had few people over. gave him the best of what kids want to need these days. they retired at 45 and moved then and their kids to floriada. I begged and pleaded with my daughter to not see this boy. She would not listen. I should have locked her away in a closet. i should have taken her clothes and never let her out. i should have taken her to school and picked her up the minute she was done school. I should have sent her away from here to alberta to live with friends there. But still there was the internet everywhere. i did not want her to hate me. well look where it got me. She is heeding my words about this guy now. now....5years later I am writing this under a new username to hide her identity. yes I have spoken to the police about this guy.


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## Jasonator (Jul 12, 2011)

Kids need to know how to respect.
We need to find a way to teach them, individually.
But it's up to each child to show respect.


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## JohnnyAppleSnail (May 30, 2010)

Like I said before some People are freaking out because he used a Gun,if He would have used a Steam Roller everyone would think oh how funny,Hey we're talking North Carolina here! I believe around 40% of the Population there owns a Gun of some kind so shooting a laptop to them is probably no big whoop!The Kid sounds spoilt to Me, and Her way of Thanking Her Dad the same day He forked out His money to upgrade Her Laptop is dissing Him on Facebook? Now no Laptop,Cell Phone,etc. like Dad says go get a Job,I'm sure Mcdonalds is hiring.


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## neven (May 15, 2010)

people seem to forget the guns are still legally part of our society and this sort of thing happens all the time. i wasn't even allowed to leave my wifes home town until i shot a 12 gauge, lol.

As for the internet usage. My parents had no idea what was on the net, so i was not limited, buy my PC was purchased from me working so they didn't limit me much on it. Because of the internet AND me being really lazy i almost didn't graduate high school, that was a resultant of their ignorance. However i turned out fine because they were firm with everyone else, gave us trust, made sure we were respectful and had our manners. But disappoint and you were in for a world of trouble. Privileges were taken away, if it was sibling related someone got a smack to the butt (in a non child abuse way fyi) or a couple hairs grabbed by the roots(not yanked out) to get us to actually focus to listen. By the time we were teens we knew the boundaries and the threat of them being disappointed was enough. It was more than a threat a violence, it was instilling the fact that consequences happen not only from your actions but your behaviour.

While its difficult when you eliminate the physical threat nowadays (especially because overzealous teachers are out to look for beaten children), you can still make them understand consequences through their possessions and privileges. You just need to be unrelenting. What happened with the guy with the gun? They weren't unrelenting. They gave in to their child too much. You can tell just by the number of posessions they had. A child doesn't need everything their friends have, put up with the constant whining about it, just dont give in. Everything big i got in my childhood that was considered non essential but a big present (ie small tv) we had to save our money for to the halfway point for my parents to match the price. However this arrangement was reserved for birthdays or christmas. It actually made you appreciate the items and taught you patience.

Our 2 and 4 year old love the tech devices, but i will not buy them one. Give them more than 30 minutes usage a day and they start acting up whenever they dont get to play on a phone or a computer. Despite the educational content, the limits still need to be there. As for the big bad web. They get monitored usage, we amended our host files to encompass most advertisers. We were forced to do this because we'd leave them on a colouring website and the banners would bring them to car games all about blood and running people over. Now we use zoodles to enable only certain sites and you tube channels


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## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

goldie,

Thank you for posting. I am sorry to hear about your troubles with your daughter. Hopefullly, when she has a little more life experience, she will come to realize (as I did), that everything you did for her was out of love and the hope that she will grow up to be someone she (not just you) is proud of.

Neven:

We never got an allowance and we also had to work and save to buy stuff we wanted. By the time I was 9 or 10, I was breeding fish to sell to the pet shops for pocket money. My pets were the one indulgence that my dad really allowed since he loves animals too and it was easier for him to have fish/birds/reptiles around the house if my mom thought it was for me 

Members:

One of the thing we try to promote on BCA is open debate and getting different points of views and experiences. Post your opinions/feelings/experiences, don't break the rules, and no personal attacks and the discussion on even topics like parenting can generate a lot of interesting posts that we can all learn from, even if at the end of the day we sometimes have to "agree to disagree".

Back when I was a kid, "old school" discipline was still allowed. I know for a fact that if my parents hadn't been tough on me when I was very bad as a teenager especially, I would not have turned out the way I did. I have thanked them for setting me straight. What they did, they did out of love for me and wanting me to grow up to be a good citizen and respectful adult. I was a stubborn kid and a real handful for them because my older brother and sister were both much calmer, more easy-going kids so I left my parents wondering what the heck happened with me. 

Only twice in my life have my parents told me that they thought someone was not a good person to hang out with, but both times I disagreed and stayed close friends with that person. Guess what. Both times they were 100% correct.

It may seem "funny" now but my parents literally threatened to kick me out of the house every few days when I was in my rebellious stage. My mom went through many, many different and creative ways of disciplining me. Even when I was extremely mad at them for trying to "control" my life, I knew deep down that they really loved me and wouldn't give up on me. BTW, when I told a younger friend about my childhood, she got really mad and called it "child abuse" but I (who lived through it) never considered what they did as abuse. I know Western society now considers any physical discipline to be abuse.

With my own kids, I tell them how much I love them at least 20 to 30 times a day. I take them out with me and try to answer all of Felicia's questions and do stuff she wants. I want to give them the best foundation possible. Yet, I also realize that we cannot predict the future and that one day, our little "angels" may turn into someone we don't recognize. I spent my life preparing for having my own kids. I babysat other people's kids from my old church. For several months, I worked as a live-in nanny to two preschoolers in Richmond when I was between "regular" jobs. I was a camp counseling dealing with a cabin full of teenage boys including ones just out of Juvie. 

One of my first campers seemed like the best, most well-adjusted kid in the camp, yet he left a note with another counselor that he hated his life, was always picked on, lived for summer camp, and often contemplated suicide. I ended up doing an unofficial "Big Brother" program with him and had his mother come over to my place in Powell River from Comox so she could see where he would sleep, eat, and stay when he came over. He took the ferry over every two to four weeks. Brought his homework so I could help him with it. We went out and did things around Powell River. He never once mentioned suicide again, and now he's living in Winnipeg, married and soon to be a father as well. When I got married, I had him come over from Manitoba (where his stepfather was re-stationed) with his stepfather so that Terry could be my best man. I gave him my 4-Runner to drive home so he would have a 4x4 for Winnipeg winters. 

I am a strong believer in learning from "other people's mistakes" and I know that no matter how hard we try as parents, sometimes, many times, kids will strike out like this and rebel in ways that will break our hearts. We love them and pray for their well-being. We praise them and try to teach them. I hope and pray that all we are doing will prevent this from happening with Felicia and Isabella, but I know it is not just up to us. 

Thank you to everyone who is sharing in this discussion. Please continue and sorry again for the essay.


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## katienaha (May 9, 2010)

To this day, I still feel I was diciplined unfairly and that I was asked to do some pretty excessive things that harmed my grades. However, I do not blame my parents. They only knew how to do so much. My dad getting beaten to a pulp by his dad for taking apart the family car and putting it back together (minus a few stray parts), just to see how it worked. He became a very successful mechanic. My mother who only knew womens chores, abusive brothers, and poverty, she became a hardworking woman with no college education but still managed to work her way up the ranks at a job she doesn't love, to pay the bills.

I moved out the fall after graduating high school with my boyfriend, because I feared I'd lose any remaining relationship I had with my mother. From the day I moved out, I didn't ask for help, expect anything (even when I bought my first car, I saved thousands for the down payment, and fingers crossed I could get approved alone. I did. My parents rewarded me with a cash donation towards my down payment. I cried with gratitude. )
Only when I went to school did I ask them to help me get a loan, they haven't paid a penny towards it and I've never made a late payment. Only once did we have to move back into his parents house for help. Within 3 months I was working up north away from family to get a paycheque while mynow husband stayed with his parents. I moved back, we got an apartment, we started house hunting. We then asked my parents if we could borrow 1200 from them to assist our down payment on our home. They were paid back within 5 months.

My parents were hard, but they did a good job. Yes, things were thrown at me, I was treated like garbage at times, not trusted when I should have been trusted. But, they did better than their parents, and with me being 10 weeks pregnant now, I can only hope that I will do better than my parents, and that my children will do better than me.

Thanks for being so hard on me mom and dad. It only made me work harder to prove to you I could do it.


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## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

My mom offered to pay my tuition (she paid for both my bro & sis), but I told her no because I knew that I would work harder if I had to work for my tuition money instead of getting it handed to me. 

I already told Irene that even if Felicia or Isabella win full scholarships, I expect them to at least work p/t or during summer break so they will gain work experience, have better work habits, know the value of a loonie, and have a resume with more than just schooling on it.


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