# The love/hate aquarium relationship



## AccidentalAquarist (Sep 11, 2013)

Just helped out a buddy who's wife want's all aquarium gone  
My wife is about the same, but I pay the penance

So I am curious what is the average in the hobby for a spouse that
A) loves aquariums - lucky buggers
B) puts up with aquariums - still damn lucky
C) despises aquariums - feel your pain

What's your spouse like?


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## Diztrbd1 (Apr 21, 2010)

lol join the crowd here : http://www.bcaquaria.com/forum/aqua-lounge-7/who-has-defend-their-hobby-17223/


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## Fishy_Addiction (May 3, 2013)

My dad says nothing, my mom complains about stray equipment and would rather just the 15 column. My boyfriend doesn't care for them, but, he doesn't have to live with them. Sadly when I move in with him, I do not think we can keep even a betta in a 2gal container. Especially after the water damage from the roof. Rentals suck. Lol.

Sent from my GT-P6210 using Tapatalk 2


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## Momobobo (Sep 28, 2010)

My parents are not the biggest fan of my aquarium operation...as long as I keep everything in quiet working order and fairly clean they put up with it. Had a few overflows and as the tanks are in our second floor kitchen, those were not good nights  I bought my significant other a Fluval Flora for christmas, she loves my tanks (especially Bob, the Gobies, and the Peapuffers) so shes not a problem (at least until I buy a horde of fancy Zoas instead of shiny necklaces :bigsmile


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## TigerOscar (Sep 10, 2012)

My wife likes it, but not MTS.
Thinks i'm overboard. We've moved now and I have my own little corner in the basement. 
I think the secret is to find a fish she really likes and then she'll be right into it hahaha.
Any suggestions for fish ladies like?


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## Vancitycam (Oct 23, 2012)

My wife B+ I'd say haha, maybe not love them but more than put up with she likes them.


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## MEDHBSI (Sep 4, 2011)

my wife loves the hobby but just puts up with it most of the time  im in luck she really likes stingrays


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## Fish rookie (May 21, 2012)

My wonderful wife and my daughters have been very supportive and patient with my hobby. I am very blessed and thankful for that.


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## jbyoung00008 (May 16, 2011)

Great topic!

My girlfriend loved the fish at the start. She had never had them before. She learned a lot about them from me and enjoyed having the tanks around. Now she's just jealous of all the time I spend on them. She admitted that. I think she realizes I could be doing worse things so she tolerates them now. She enjoys showing them off to new house guests though.  Me too!!!


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## target (Apr 21, 2010)

Vancitycam said:


> My wife B+ I'd say haha, maybe not love them but more than put up with she likes them.


Same with my wife. She'll help choose the fish and design for the tank. Likes them enough but let's me do the work. And also doesn't really fuss when I want to buy something. Was on board instantly when I suggested selling our stuff and converting to SW.


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## Vancitycam (Oct 23, 2012)

I wanted kessil led but price wise only felt I should buy one and forget the blues, she said get the original one then get a blue for either side. I could have screamed like a schoolgirl when I was buying my new lights.


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## onefishtwofish (Apr 21, 2010)




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## jhj0112 (Jul 30, 2013)

My wife is OK for the most time except when she sees some price of equipment/fish.. That little fish is HOW MUCH??? lol
However, our daughters (especially Chantal) are into fish keeping so that really helps 

Also, I can no longer go out like I used to due to the family reason so she is actually happy that I spend lots of time on 6 tanks! lol


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## Clownloachlover (Apr 21, 2010)

I guess I am one of the lucky ones...my wife is stoked about our pending set up. She spent 3 hours today helping paint the inside of my cabinet and is requesting I hurry up and get the canopy completed so she can paint that too. She likes fish and helps with the maintenance and water testing etc. She has her specific tastes in tropical fish and is a big fan of Pearl Gouramis and certain species of plecostamues. She alos like Angel fish as long as they don't bully her Pearls and her rummynose!


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## Phillyb (Jan 18, 2011)

b) best girlfriend! Shes is very patient with everything from going to fish stores helping me meet members or even help with water changes id say the best is putting up with my late night fish watching  

If I was to be giving anyone any helps : It's to be honest with Gf,Wife,Hubby,Kids,Mom,Dad or anyone and let them know how much the hobby means to you and makes you happy and smile. 

Let them set something up of there choice, if it's a fish tank that awesome but if not so be it! 

Everyone needs balance in life, so for me it's letting her have a "sewing table" with bonus of two aquariums housing Mr.Crackers a goldfish and a tank with two axolotls Aka Bower and Princess spotted peach so in my eyes all is good everyone is happy well most of the time  

yes it does help if you have fish like Puffer fish or a Oscar really iv found anything that can show some sign of personality will be a BONUS

1 small bachelor pad yet one big leap for man kind current stock 120g 75g 75g 55g 40g 30g 25g 1g


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## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

Used to be A but now probably a B+

Wife is fine with the tanks (although still sometimes voices her wish we had more room in our place) and LOVES the new bigger cube (30"). Mainly doesn't get after me about the cost since she knows its my obsession and I don't buy unless its worth it. Both my daughters love the fish tanks, so getting them into it was a big deal for me. It was Irene's idea for me to start keeping fish again when we first lived together. Then it was HER idea to convert from fresh to saltwater. So she really can't say too much about it. She also realizes that I don't smoke, gamble, do drugs (although can't afford it with 3 reef tanks ) or go out without the family much. So as far as hobbies and addictions go, keeping corals and fish is an expensive but good hobby to have. She used to enjoy going to the petshops with me but now she sends Felicia &/or Isabella instead.

I made a deal with my wife before Felicia was born. I told her if Felicia did NOT like the tanks, I would downsize. If the baby likes the fish, then I don't. Easy bet to win with nice sw reef tanks cause most babies/little kids like a lot of colour and movement.

My arrangement with my wife is that I have to keep the tanks looking good. If they start looking like [email protected], then she has a problem with having an eyesore in the house.


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## greenfin (Nov 4, 2013)

I'm lucky in that my husband is supportive in things I have a passion for. The fish are a newer hobby for us...when we first met, horses were a career for me. Now there's a high-committment pursuit!

He enjoys the fish tank and it's fishies.
He is very supportive with helping me with equipment (he built that amazing stand)
We have a baby and when you have one of them, you realize what a bonus a big fish tank is! 
He requests that the aquarium equipment be out of sight in the living room. No canister filter sitting beside the stand, for example.


So to keep up my end of the happy-vibes regarding fish-keeping...
I try to keep the tank looking as nice as I can. Clean glass, trimmed plants, dust the exterior, that sort of thing.
No equipment to be left lying around. (I slip up on this one frequently, but I do try). I have an area of the basement where all equipment is stored tidily, out of sight.
I chose the quietest equipment available for my budget. No gurgling, humming, splashing. etc. I figured if people aren't watching the tank, they don't want to hear it from the next room. or at night.
Only one fish tank in our living area so make it a good one. No MTS!

Ha! I do have 3 tanks operating in the basement but those are temporary while I rebuild my main tank. But it's tempting...
I think with MTS it's the demand on your time that a spouse may object to. I have lots of responsibilities as a wife and mom and the fish tank must be incorporated into that. If I was neglecting other things in favour of the fish tank that would be very selfish of me and not a good thing for our relationship. 

The same goes for hobby expenditures. Keep it reasonable. Discuss the more pricey items with each other. Explain why you think it's important you spend this huge chunk of $ on this thing. 

I also think it's important to support my spouse in the things he likes to do (that I don't). He loves fly fishing, snowboarding and wakeboarding.
My husband likes the tank I have set up but as a Scuba diver he would love to see a Reef tank in our house (yaaa!) but I was upfront with the cost of a set-up that I'd like to do (on slap-dash research) and we both feel now is not the best time for that kind of money spent!
So that's where I am at with my hobby and hubby!


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## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

greenfin said:


> The same goes for hobby expenditures. Keep it reasonable. Discuss the more pricey items with each other. Explain why you think it's important you spend this huge chunk of $ on this thing.
> 
> I also think it's important to support my spouse in the things he likes to do (that I don't). He loves fly fishing, snowboarding and wakeboarding.
> My husband likes the tank I have set up but as a Scuba diver he would love to see a Reef tank in our house (yaaa!) but I was upfront with the cost of a set-up that I'd like to do (on slap-dash research) and we both feel now is not the best time for that kind of money spent!
> So that's where I am at with my hobby and hubby!


Rather than invest in a reef tank that doesn't fit your schedule or budget, feel free to come over for a visit and bring hubby & kid along.


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## Cichlid433 (Aug 10, 2013)

My husband just tolerates, would love a spouse that was involved!


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## onefishtwofish (Apr 21, 2010)

from anthony's post

"My arrangement with my wife is that I have to keep the tanks looking good. If they start looking like [email protected], then she has a problem with having an eyesore in the house."

you better stay good looking too then!:bigsmile:


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## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

onefishtwofish said:


> from anthony's post
> 
> "My arrangement with my wife is that I have to keep the tanks looking good. If they start looking like [email protected], then she has a problem with having an eyesore in the house."
> 
> you better stay good looking too then!:bigsmile:


I pay the mortgage, so SHE better stay good looking :bigsmile:


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## tony1928 (Apr 22, 2010)

SeaHorse_Fanatic said:


> I pay the mortgage, so SHE better stay good looking :bigsmile:


Alright Anthony I'm copying this and sending it to my wife! 

Sent from my gigantic Samsung Note 2


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## kacairns (Apr 10, 2012)

Anthony needs a new mission statement now that he helping out with comments sure to make a marriage better! I'll see how well that one works on my wife...haven't been in trouble yet for stuff I've said or done, so we'll see =)

Here is Anthony's new mission statement

"Getting people addicted to SW and Divorced since 2014" =)


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## Vancitycam (Oct 23, 2012)

SeaHorse_Fanatic said:


> I pay the mortgage, so SHE better stay good looking :bigsmile:


Must be asian lol, if she leaves with the kids and takes half you'd be paying her mortgage too haha kidding.


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## bonsai dave (Apr 21, 2010)

I'm pretty lucky. My wife loves my 2 main hobbies bonsai and fish keeping. So She helps out once in a while with feeding and water changes and watering the bonsai. So for me it's a win win...


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## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

Actually my wife is generally very cool about my addiction, other than when I have my fish stuff all over the place taking up too much of our limited storage area. Its not the displays that bug her but the extra tanks, filters, heaters, etc. 

I'm glad my earlier comments solicited the kinds of reactions I was hoping for :bigsmile:

Always good to add some spice to the discussion like that 

Disclaimer to Kevin's new mission statement:

"Not responsible for separations, divorces, sudden deaths while sleeping, etc. And "No Kevin, you may not move in with my family if your wife kicks you out of the house""


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## AKAmikeross (Nov 5, 2012)

I am lucky in the sense that my wife is easily bribed  

I just got back in the hobby, so my wife has no clue of the obsession I once had before we met about 7 years ago. I literally just finish setting up a 135 gal in our bedroom. I bought her a purse she has wanted for a little while  then told her about the tank idea for the bedroom lol. She is fine with it but is has to look good... Meaning furniture grade stand. I'm also working on another 135 gal which will be going in our living room. 

Back in the day I had a 135gal, 4 x 55gals on 2x4 stands and a couple fry tanks. Wires, noisy and tank supply's everywhere in my bachelor pad. This wouldn't fly in my house without a serious bribe haha even then I doubt it.

Keeping the setups clean and matching with the rest of the homes decor, keeps the wife happy. 

Oh yeah, I pay the mortgage, she works out 6 days a week


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## Tazzy_toon (Jul 25, 2011)

You guys are hilarious!!! :lol:

My hubby is somewhat supportive as long as he doesn't have to get involved too much. He does get a little bit annoyed with mts since our space is so limited, and with some of my health issues, i sometimes get too tired to clean up after my clean ups, then he gets annoyed because he hates clutter of any kind (poor guy, i'm a total clutter bug). But other than that he sees that i enjoy it, so he supports it......mostly. hehe


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## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

I also "bribe" my wife with a Boxing Day $100 bill for her to go out shopping for her own stuff and then she doesn't mind what I spend on Boxing Day at J&L, King Ed's and other LFS. Been doing this for years. Best $100 I spend around Christmas time :bigsmile: She's so happy and smiling and tells me to go do my Boxing Day shopping.


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## onefishtwofish (Apr 21, 2010)

well, since i am single the only comments i get r from my daughter.....................basically, i am wasting money that could other wise be spent on her. that and the fact she didnt appreciate me asking her not to turn on the bathroom light at night because it shocks the beta.....................


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## datfish (Sep 7, 2012)

My girlfriend is really grossed out by aquarium water and the idea of touching anything aquarium related but thinks pretty fish/tanks are nice to look at. She's going to be setting up her first tank in the coming months, so I think she's starting love them.


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## Phillyb (Jan 18, 2011)

Dammm guess I struck gold since my girl pays the rent but I do stay good looking on a daily bassis


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## Bunny (Oct 13, 2013)

It surprises me that most of the responses here are "my wife this, my gf that", I would have expected it to be more of an even gender-split between people on here (but I guess this isnt really a fantastic sample group of all bca-ers).
Anyways, my husband doesnt mind them... He keeps talking about a gigantic 200-300 gallon tank in the future (damn common pleco), but also doesnt like doing any of the water changes (although he will carry the full buckets for me). 
I think he would get more involved if I were to start automating some of the stuffs - fert dosing, etc.

He's pretty good at accepting my craziness. Usually just smiles and nods as long as something isnt too expensive - like with my most recent endeavor of an indoor herb garden (seeds are germinating *yay*)


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## Diztrbd1 (Apr 21, 2010)

SeaHorse_Fanatic said:


> I pay the mortgage, so SHE better stay good looking :bigsmile:


good thing she doesn't come to the forum.....those comments may cost you triple come next boxing day


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