# Chuck Norris lines...



## Foxtail (Mar 14, 2012)

I'll start...

Chuck Norris once peed in the fuel tank of a truck to be funny... That truck is now known as Optimus Prime!

"I stopped believing for a while... Journey is gonna be psst!"


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## Immus21 (Jun 14, 2010)

I literally have a million of them but "Chuck Norris can swim through concrete".


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## Algae Beater (Apr 21, 2010)

Chuck Norris drinks peanut butter through a straw


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## Foxtail (Mar 14, 2012)

Under Chuck Norris' beard there is no chin... Only another fist.

"I stopped believing for a while... Journey is gonna be psst!"


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## ThePhoenix (Jul 23, 2012)

There are no such things as tornadoes. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.


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## Immus21 (Jun 14, 2010)

Chuck Norris can remember the future.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.


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## Foxtail (Mar 14, 2012)

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

"I stopped believing for a while... Journey is gonna be psst!"


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## Immus21 (Jun 14, 2010)

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.


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## Immus21 (Jun 14, 2010)

Chuck Norris' calander goes from Mar 31st straight to Apr 2 because nobody fools Chuck.


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## target (Apr 21, 2010)

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the world down.


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## target (Apr 21, 2010)

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.


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## Foxtail (Mar 14, 2012)

There is no evolution... Only animals that Chuck Norris allows to exist!

"I stopped believing for a while... Journey is gonna be psst!"


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## macframalama (Apr 17, 2012)

i still think the optimus prime one is the best lol


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## Foxtail (Mar 14, 2012)

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the head... This is where giraffes came from!

"I stopped believing for a while... Journey is gonna be psst!"


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## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic


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## brezilian (Apr 21, 2012)

chuck norris doesnt have tiger blood, tigers have chuck norris blood


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## Jasonator (Jul 12, 2011)

Chuck Norris had a staring contest with the sun... and Won


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## macframalama (Apr 17, 2012)

There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.


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## mcrocker (May 29, 2010)

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.


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## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.


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## Foxtail (Mar 14, 2012)

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only believes in the element of surprise.

Sent via the Shining.


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## Foxtail (Mar 14, 2012)

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Sent via the Shining.


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## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.


Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.


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## SeaHorse_Fanatic (Apr 22, 2010)

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

No offense to Christians. I'm a Christian and I still found this funny.:bigsmile:


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## neoh (Apr 22, 2010)

when the boogie man goes to bed at night, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

They made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take #### from anyone.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in evolution, because he's always been Chuck Norris.


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## Reckon (Jul 25, 2012)

Immus21 said:


> Chuck Norris can remember the future.


So ridiculous/funny


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## Reckon (Jul 25, 2012)

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Yes, they're from the 80s.


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## macframalama (Apr 17, 2012)

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.


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## macframalama (Apr 17, 2012)

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.


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## macframalama (Apr 17, 2012)

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.


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## neven (May 15, 2010)

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny | Flash Videos

always comes to mind when i hear chuck norris


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## Immus21 (Jun 14, 2010)

Chuck Norris doesn't swim, water just wants to be around him.


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## Immus21 (Jun 14, 2010)

Chuck Norris' fist make the speed of light want to be faster!


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## bonsai dave (Apr 21, 2010)

The earth doesn't revolve around the sun. It's the sun that revolves around Chuck Norris


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## bonsai dave (Apr 21, 2010)

Chuck Norris doesn't have excuses. Excuses have him.


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## bonsai dave (Apr 21, 2010)

Chuck Norris once drowned a fish underwater.


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## Foxtail (Mar 14, 2012)

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet... Water gets Chuck Norris.

Sent via the Shining.


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## Foxtail (Mar 14, 2012)

Chuck Norris died 10 years ago... The grimm reaper is just too affraid to tell him.

Sent via the Shining.


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## IceBlue (Mar 17, 2011)

The earth doesn't rotate, Chuck Norris is taking a walk.


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## Immus21 (Jun 14, 2010)

Chuck Norris can drink ice cubes through a straw.


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## Immus21 (Jun 14, 2010)

Chuck Norris once beat Abe Lincoln in an epic rap battle.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=c1V55SC-N5I&desktop_uri=/watch?v=c1V55SC-N5I

(course language)


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## Jasonator (Jul 12, 2011)

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep...... He waits


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## bonsai dave (Apr 21, 2010)

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris jumped off a building once. The ground didn't make it..


Freddie Krueger has trouble sleeping because of Chuck Norris


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## Foxtail (Mar 14, 2012)

The "big bang" theory....... Chuck Norris!

Sent via the Shining.


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## Foxtail (Mar 14, 2012)

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands one time... Now they are just called the islands.


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